"Mystique"

what makes you think that it won't grow back
in a day or two
husbands in winter, they know the truth
but what can they do
i don't like girls the way they are
so shave their legs, and make them look like movie stars
then we can pretend it's natural
put on whatever makes you attractive
if it's not you, then do it for the sake of fashion
your friends like a certain you?-, that's who you've got to be

junior high legs; blond hair gone brown
from removing it
waxing since thirteen - wisdom from a beauty queen
her tiara digging deep in her head

put on whatever makes you attractive
if it's not you, then do it for the sake of fashion
your friends like a certain you?-, that's who you have to be
that's who you've got to be

i'm starting to think that i'm kind of shy, or at least i'd like to be

winter legs give me heart attacks so take it off with lasers, so it never comes back
then we can pretend it's natural

--When they really get to know you they will run, Pedro the Lion

Tonight's discussion was around the interplay between perception and reality, and whether it is right that so much of the world operates on what people believe about one another rather than what is. An example:

"You must have a hundred guys chasing after you"

How should one respond? Some options:

1. "No, only three."
2. "Well, the correct number is three, but thank you."
3. Say nothing, and let the person maintain the belief that you are a hot commodity.

There is something very weird about how different people would choose amongst these options. Some would naturally gravitate towards saying "only three", if only because it's the most natural phrasing that's still factually accurate. They'd probably be oblivious to how they've unintentionally put themselves down. Some would deliberately say nothing, perhaps because they want the attention and benefits that come when people think you're popular. I doubt many people would find the correct phrasing that acknowledges the compliment while still correcting it for accuracy, so I suppose it's legitimate to accept overextended compliments, so long as there is an element of truth to them. A simple "thank you" suffices in such cases.

Now what if the other person compliments you on something you know to be false? In such cases, any and all forms of correction are direct contradictions of the compliment, meaning you put your current stature at risk. Do you say nothing, or do you speak up and correct the other person, even if it means introducing a shortcoming in what otherwise would be a perfect perception of you?

The salespeople I've met would not; they would push the responsibility to the perceiver, and contend that they are not responsible for what the perceiver infers about their wares, only what they have said about it themselves. I disagree. I would say the responsibility extends farther, and encompasses all the aspects of the wares that would affect the perceiver. If I remain silent when you believe my knife will cut through a lead pipe, knowing that you intend to buy a knife that will need that kind of sharpness, then I am deceiving you by being silent, and you will ultimately end up with a bad purchase as a direct consequence of my silence.

As it applies to humans, though, I suppose the answer's much more complex. Yes, people may remain silent because they fear they'll lose the other person's admiration if they deviate from that perfect perception. Or they may say nothing because they don't like saying negative things about themselves...or don't know how to. Some, I imagine, are hopeful for the Pygmalion effect...that if the other person believes it about them, they will be able to change and grow into that perfect being.

I can only conclude that it's a hard problem, and not one for which I can expect people to perform well at. In myself, I observe a natural tendency to scale up numbers by about 20%. If I think what I did took 4 hours of hard work, I'll first say it took 5, and then backtrack back down to 4. I don't know why I do this; I'm told I used to be charismatic, so perhaps that sort of salesmanship is in my nature. But I know I'm also fiercely determined to be who I am, and not let people think better or worse of me than I am. When I falter, it's usually in being too accommodating, in lending the benefit of the doubt to people's perceptions of me on matters where I don't have a strong opinion of myself.

I suppose I usually let people think worse of me than I actually am, secretly believing that the truth will show itself in due time, and that I'll be revealed for whatever splendor I have in me. It's the romantic in me, perhaps, the Christo-lover*.

*Aside from my regular allusions to Christianity, here, I'm also speaking of my favorite artist, who's also named Christo. Christo Vladimirov Javacheff's method of art is to design elaborate draperies for well-known landmarks, and use those draperies to cover those places from view for a period of time. When the draperies come off and the landmarks are restored, the public is able to see those places as if seeing them for the first time again. It's a way of letting people reappreciate the things they've learned to take for granted.